Preparation

Colossians 3:23-24: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

You ever feel like God was preparing you for something? You know...allowing you to go through things so that you are more prepared for what's to come? That's kinda how I am feeling right now.

Some days I think about how we are living pretty far from my family and closest friends. I think about how it's been a little more difficult to navigate new motherhood without much family nearby and with friends that are mom's but also work. I think about how it's sometimes hard to have the baby the entire day while Eric goes to work and then again when he comes home and needs to work some more on school, bible and flying stuff. I think about how everything related to the house is now my responsibility on top of having a little baby. As you can see... I think about a lot of things.

But with this time period that's harder, I realize, God must be working in me to help prepare me for something more in the future. Nothing happens in this world for a reason. Of this I am certain. Maybe God is transforming me into a strong mother and wife. Maybe God is preparing me for missionary work in the future and all these things that have happened in my life are leading up to long term separation from family and friends as well as having to solely rely on Eric and myself to take care of the children. (We hope to have one more child in the next couple years) Also sometimes lately it seems Miss J is sick and we have to stay home from church. So God has been working in us on how to "go to church" while being at home.

I don't know what God's preparing me for, but I will follow obediently until I see where He leads me. Be that a long-term missionary or something else. Sometimes the joy is in the journey, that's what I have to remember. :)

This too shall pass....

Well life as a momma has it's ups and downs. There are the times where your baby laughs and giggles and plays with you joyfully. Then there are times where all they seem to know how to do is scream and claw and kick. In those times it's important to remember that 1) God has a plan and 2)this too shall pass.

Some mothers adore the first six months of life with their little baby. They love that the baby depends on them for everything. They love everything that comes with that age. While I love my daughter, I simply can't wait for her to get a little older so I can play with her, talk with her, laugh with her and dream with her. Right now she can't talk, can sit up but hasn't figured out how to move yet so she gets frustrated all the time, cries/fusses sometimes for long stints of time and well is NOT a hugger or cuddly baby.

Some mommas get cuddly babies. You know those ones that love to snuggle and be held close. Pretty much since we got home from the hospital and she's hated swaddling, not enjoyed being hugged or being close. I always dreamed my little one would want the snuggle and cuddle, maybe that will come with our second child (in the future). For now this girl is active. Simply always wanting to be on the move and get into whatever her little hands can get a hold of. She's very intelligent and loves interaction with people, but is definitely hard to please. It kinda wears on me at times because at her age, there's only so many things you can do! (Walk around with her, sit on the floor and play with her, push her in the stroller, swing her in the swing, introduce new toys to her, sing songs with her...etc.) Once those few options run out, then creativity must take hold or else she decides she's going to be upset.

When I tell other moms that I can't wait for her to get out of this stage, they look at me in disbelief. Like somehow I don't love my daughter. They said to cherish these moments because they go so fast. It sometimes bugs me the looks I get when I say such things, but you know what... I stand by my statement. It will be SO much fun when I can teach her new words, sing WITH her not just to her, have dance parties, go exploring and discuss God with her. I think that will be the golden age for me!

Until then I have to remember it's been almost six months and I've survived. The next couple months will fly by... this too shall pass.

God can use tragedy to teach us

"If you've walked with God for very long, I have little doubt that He has used what you perceived as very negative means to achieve a positive result"- Beth Moore

I read this nugget of information this morning in my bible study and it simply is too true. It also helps us to understand when horrible things happen, that God could be using those things to help push us closer towards Him. What refreshing news. Seriously. I've seen it happen in my own life many many times.

With God, things are both predictable and unpredictable. You can be certain that God is always going to be there. That God always wants you to pray and to stay in His word. You can be certain that God wants you to look at the best in others, even though it's tempting to just see the worst.

In my bible study this morning it took a look at Peter and John and how God called them to Samaria. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Jews of that time hated Samaritans. They have a HUGE prejudice against them and basically feel they are the scum of the earth. To be called to go there and the preach the Gospel and to accept them into their own fold seemed unthinkable. Yet, God called them to do it. They obeyed and the Samaritans accepted the Holy Spirit. Think if they didn't obey? What would have happened? The people would have not known not received the Holy Spirit. They would have not received the very Holy fire from which God works in us.

I firmly believe that God has called me and my husband to be missionaries. Where or how, that is His choosing. Could he call us to a place where we wouldn't ever think of going? Yes. Could this place be our Samaria? Yes. Are we called to pick and choose where we'd like to go, where it'd be the most comfortable and convenient? No. We are called to follow Christ, wherever that may lead us. If it leads us to a closed country, we'll go there. If it leads us to witness to homeless, we'll go there. If it leads us to a place where we thought we'd never go, we'll go there.

The important thing to remember is that in these places, we are not alone. Yes God could call us to a scary place or neighborhood, but we are not alone. We have Christ. We have the Holy Spirit living within us. I've seen time and time again how God has protected me wherever he's called me. I was called to serve the homeless in San Francisco's darkest neighborhood for a little while one summer. I spoke with drug addicts, prostitutes, drug dealers and I do believe a gang member or two.

Were these conditions safe? No. Were they comfortable? No. Was I safe? Yes. Was I comfortable? I didn't really think of comfort. When I was with those people, my thoughts were solely on Christ and on serving Him. Christ protected me AND gave me the words to say to those who were hurting. As long as I trusted Him, I was safe. When I let my mind wander and let my fear set in and stopped trusting, that was the moment I felt unsafe. I had to pray and reign in that fear, rebuke it even, to feel safe and secure again. Life outside of Christ is scary, I much prefer life with Christ.

But you can see how God can use our fears, our prejudices to really work miracles through us. To speak to others and heal by the power of the Holy Spirit using us. We just have to be willing to be used and to give up our fears.

So what does this have to do with the quote up above? Everything. God can use anyone and any circumstances for His glory. We just have to continue to walk in the light of grace to be willing to see that when the going gets tough, the tough don't get going away, they get on their knees and pray for the endurance to carry on and to see what God is teaching them through the hard times. That's definitely something to remember and to pray about!

For me, one of the hardest times in my life was losing my first precious little one. I was so elated and excited to be pregnant. It's something I'd dreamed about for a long time. I'd even gathered some baby items years prior to this because I knew God would allow me to be pregnant someday. We went to Idaho and served at an aviation camp and I led worship. We went to Hawaii and go to see our dear friends. Life was going great! I got to see my little one's heart beating on the ultrasound and was elated at the new life. Then, tragedy happened and my little one was no more. God took him/her up to heaven. I was devastated. Devastated. Why would God take away my child? Why would this dream end so soon?

I realized that even though I was devastated, to understand the reasoning, I needed to turn to Christ EVEN MORE, not turn away. God led me to talk with others who had also had this happen to them. God led me to council THEM and by that helped heal me of my own tragedy. I couldn't have done this had I been pregnant. Later on in that year God finally allowed me to become a teacher for a short time. If I was pregnant, I wouldn't have ever lived that dream. While I still dream about seeing that little one in heaven and wondering what life would be like had he/she lived on, I praise God for allowing it to happen to me so that I could reach more people for Him. Now I have a beautiful little girl, so God did fulfill that promise of life. It was just in HIS timing, not mine.

I want to encourage those of you who read this blog to think about times in your life where you had the most sorrow, the most pain, and think about what God was teaching you in those times. Did you allow God to grow you? Did you allow God to teach you something from that experience? Did God have you go through that experience so that He could use you to help others who were also going through that experience? I hope so.

Love in Christ,

Kristine

2 Corinthians 5:16-17.

Drive Time Momma

It's dark out. I'm tired. As I sit in my car driving the baby around so that Eric can get his homework, I have to wonder, "How did it come to this?"

It all started last night around well... I think it was somewhere close to midnight. Jenna decided that she desperately needed food. Screaming. Crying. I sent Eric in to do his duty as the first shift person of the night but of course I couldn't sleep with her screaming. He fed her and she went down, all is well. Or so I thought. At around 1:30 the babe wakes again. Screaming. Crying. Hungry. I know this as her hungry cry and not a tantrum cry so I go in and feed her. She falls asleep.

Around 2:30 the baby is awake again. Screaming. Crying. Hungry. What the heck? I am not in the mood for this! I get up and feed her. She gulps down food like a mad lady baby and falls asleep again. I think she woke up at 3 and 4 and 5 and I don't know but this momma didn't get much sleep last night. Thankfully one or two of those times Eric woke up, well I forced him awake, and he fed her.

All day today she was super fussy. She only took 40 minute naps, two of them. The rest of the time was spent screaming and crying. Sometimes when she wasn't eating she was happy and playful. Generally she wasn't happy with whatever I decided to do with her. It wore on me so bad! Sometimes it makes me want to pull my hair out! I pray to God (literally) that He can calm her cause I can't. At times she calmed, other times she still screamed and cried.

Let me tell you, that coupled with my lack of sleep is NOT a good combo. It's all I could do not to punch a wall or scream at her, no wait.. I think I did yell at her once, maybe twice. I know she's a baby and she cries cause that's how she communicates but man, what if I don't want to communicate with her? Some people say to leave the babies in their cribs when you feel like you've lost it so that you can go collect yourself. I don' t know how you can collect yourself when there's a baby screaming in the other room. That kinda drives me more batty. Believe me, I've tried.

So tonight, Eric waited until the last minute to complete his homework assignment. My parents are coming into town tomorrow and because I've had a screaming infant all day, I haven't had the time to prepare things for them like I wanted. To help Eric have time to work on his homework I decided to take Jenna and drive around with her for a couple of hours. It's all I can do to help get her out of the house so that he can have some peace to complete his assignment.

So I drove. I drove for over 2 hours in blissful silence. Even though the car was silent, my mind was loud with thought. I came home to find Eric, still working on homework.

Jenna woke up and started screaming and I started to remember why I decided to take that drive. I changed her and fed her and put her down in her crib to sleep. She's kinda sleeping right now. We'll see how long that lasts!

Duties as a Momma

I realize that sometimes I forgot to write about the life of the momma. Most times I am pretty busy raising the little one and I don't get to write things on here very often. Other friends with kids mentioned this happening and well it's so true! On bright sunny days like today it's hard being stuck at home with a sick little one. Harder still when you have to send your hubby out to practice flying and to work on airplanes in Aurora.

I wish I could just hop in the plane and go with him on these trips. It's been forever since I've been in an airplane. I think, goodness....at least a year if not more. It would be so nice to just hop in the plane and go to the coast. Or hop in the plane and visit friends. But... I am a momma now and that duty means I stay home with the baby whilst my hubs does what he needs to do. I am hoping sometime in the next few months (after Jenna heals from her ear infection of course) we can take little Jennavieve up in an airplane for her first ride. I am SO tempted to have us fly to Idaho for the tech eval instead of driving the 10-12 hours there. We'll see.

Right now it's all about letting Eric do what he needs to do to prepare for our eval in April. In case you don't follow our other blog, we are working towards becoming missionaries with Mission Aviation Fellowship. Our tech eval is in April (Oops...gotta figure out what to do with the cat then!) and will last for a couple of weeks. It's in Nampa, Idaho too!

Okay... I've decided that before Miss J wakes up, I want to work on her little dress that I am attempting to sew for the first time. Plus... it makes my time productive and creative. Something I desperately need on days like this!

To my little Lovie at Five Months Old

Dear My Beautiful Jennavieve,

You are five months old today! Those five months might have flown by, but they contained quite a bunch of progress for you.

I've seen you change from a baby who just lays there and looks around to one that can do many things. In the past few letters I mentioned your milestones met. It's amazing how much little body strength you have. You now can: sit up all on your own mostly, stand with some help from us (strong legs you have!), roll over from front to back (and sometimes back to front) to get what you want, sometimes move your little bum in the air and scoot forward with your legs (still working on moving those arms too!), grab things and pull hard, also punch things with your little hand to make them light up or play songs... it's simply amazing all that you can do these days!

Verbally you've been really really watching what mommy and daddy have said. We've thought we've heard you say these words this past month, "Hi, Up, Hey, Yep, Hello, Ma" and I am sure there are others I'll need to add in later that I am forgetting! Sometimes you say those words in context and you really make mommy and daddy think you are starting to talk. We'll say how time tells but you are certainly figuring out consonant sounds and repeating them every now and then. Most times you babble and we can tell in your eyes that you know what you're saying or trying to say to us, you just haven't figured out how. Sometimes when we talk you just move your lips like ours trying to figure out how we made those particular sounds! I think I caught it on video once, I'll have to show it to you when you get older.

Right now you are still chewing on everything you can. If it's in your hands it goes in your mouth. You LOVE other people's hands and fingers. It's all we can do to stop you from going for it. You are slightly obsessed. It's pretty funny. You love your little yellow teething ring and now you just chew on your pacifier instead of using it. Gone right now are the days of sucking the pacifier and mostly your thumb. Once in a while I'll catch you sucking your thumb, but most times you are just chewing on it!

Speaking of chewing.... you started solid foods RIGHT at five months. I know that's for the other letter but I think we should mention it now! I made some homemade sweet pea puree and you LOVED it. You swallowed every little bite like a big girl. We are starting you off with sweet peas for five days, then we'll add another puree to the mix. What will it be? Sweet Potatoes? Butternut Squash? Carrots? We'll see! Mommy is making them ahead of time and freezing them so we can just pop a cube out of the freezer for you to try. Yay for easy wholesome food. Plus I don't mind eating what I make for you.

Right now Momma is working on getting us out to do more things. You don't like the process of getting in the car seat to get somewhere, but once we are there you love to look around and check everything out. Now, for the most part, we can sit you in the stroller face out so you can see the world. You are still a little small for it physically, but mentally you are right there looking at everything. Sometimes it helps you fall asleep, which in turn helps momma to be able to look at more things and/or talk with more people. We plan on taking more walks when the weather gets better. Right now our walks are mainly around the block, to Craft Warehouse (cause it's basically in our back yard) and to the mall (which I don't enjoy, but it's somewhere to walk!).

I am getting more and more excited at each milestone you cross! It'll be so much fun to have you crawling around next (you already kinda are getting there) so I don't have to worry as much about having to be with you every second. That does mean that we need to baby proof this place so that you don't get into EVERYTHING and hurt yourself. Because I can already see your little personality shining through and you are one independent, ambitious, intelligent little explorer. I wouldn't have you any other way.

Love,

Momma

A Banner Day

As I sit here trying to figure out how to blog this, I am at a loss for words. Today was a fabulous day! I was able to go to the Mom's group and had Jenna in the nursery at church. She did great and even took a nap there. When we got home I fed her then we were off to Winco.

At Winco I put her in my front pack because she was too active to just sit in a car seat. The moment we stepped away from the car, the stares started. Everyone was looking at us. It was kinda like that Inception movie, but in a good way. Actually, I should say everyone wasn't looking at US they were looking at Jenna. When we got into Winco the stares continued and people stopped to comment on how beautiful she was and how cute she was. Perfect strangers stopped from their grocery shopping to come look at Jenna and smile and talk to me. It was surreal. Jenna, decided to step it up a notch and held onto the grocery cart handle with me. When I stopped to let some people look at her cause they were commenting about her I tried to step back from the cart but Jenna held on and pulled the loaded cart back! Then we got the stares of amazement at how strong she is.

One teenage girl was overwhelmed with emotion and came over to us and said how Jenna was the most beautiful baby she'd ever seen. She wanted to hold Jenna's hand and talk to Jenna. So, against my better judgement I let her. Jenna smiled at the girl and the girl was overjoyed. (No, I am seriously not exaggerating!!!) She couldn't contain herself and told her guy friend how beautiful Jenna was and everyone stopped and looked at us and smiled. It sounds like something out of a movie, it was the weirdest, nicest strangest thing ever.

Do I really have a beautiful baby? I was kinda wondering with how she was looking boyish with the short hair. But put a cute hat on her and she charms even the hardest of hearts. People who looked angry were smiling. Kids even stopped to notice.

When we got home she was asleep. Apparently her feats of strength wore her out. She took a 2 hour nap and I had time not only to put away the groceries, but to bake a loaf of zucchini bread (in the bread maker mind you, I am still bad at baking). I played around with the webcam features, chatted with a friend and all around was in a fabulous mood. When Jenna woke up I fed her and she was a bundle of joy for the next hour until Eric came home. Then she was great with him while I ate.

Seriously.... a banner day. No one would have known this was the same girl that screamed at me most of the day yesterday, was super fussy and made me want to pull my hair out! It's days like today that make the horrible ones like yesterday worth it. Praise God for that.