Six Month Letter to Jenna

My Dear Jennavieve,

I simply cannot believe it's been six months since we were in the hospital. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, then other days it seems like it was ages ago! This past month you've grown leaps and bounds developmentally. I think one thing that's most notable is your ability to sit by yourself and play by yourself on the floor for a good 10-15 minutes. This may not seem long, but believe me it is! You are beginning to be able to entertain yourself and that's awesome. I love the little person you're becoming.

Because we are so busy daily, it's hard to recall every single thing that happened within this month. We did start solid food. Well when I say solid I mean watery food, but it's definitely different than milk! So far you love all the foods you've tried (Butternut Squash, Sweet Potatoes, Sweet Peas and Zuchinni). Your favorite is the Butternut Squash. I made sure to make up a bunch of that in the freezer. I am not sure what we'll try next...maybe carrots? I want to start you on all the basic veggies and then build on that. We won't have fruits for a little bit. If we do, we might start you on apples or pears.

This past month it seems you've been sick every week with maybe a week in-between when you weren't sick. It seems every time we go to the church nursery you get a cold from there. It could just be a coincidence, but I want my baby to be healthy! It makes me sad to hear you coughing at night or have you upset because your nose constantly runs. Plus you tend to choose to wipe your nose on everything, including my shirts. Now I love you but, um, that's gross. I'd like to be able to wear the same clothes most of the day. Granted I just kinda go with the flow and let the spit up or snot dry. Yes I know you think it's gross but why dirty another shirt or pants? You'll understand when you have kids of your own someday.

This month you really seem to get excited when Daddy comes home. There's a sense of joy on your face when he notices you and puts you on his shoulders. That's your absolute favorite place to be! Oh speaking of Daddy...this month you saw him get baptized! How special is that! It's like he wanted to wait until you came into his life to show you how much he loves the Lord. You did great at the baptism and even met Karen, Brock's wife. That was fun! She gave us a great lullaby CD. I hope we'll use it a lot because it's very relaxing.

Lately I've been trying to learn how to sew you different things. So far I've made you: headbands, leggings, leg warmers, shoes/slippers and two dresses. I've figured out a pattern and am going to make you more dresses soon. I just love seeing you in a dress! You are so pretty! You're growing more hair too and that's exciting! Soon we'll be able to put little clips in your hair! Yay!

We went to the doctor and you got your six month checkup and shots. Here are your stats: Height 25 3/4" (53rd percentile), Weight 15lbs 13 oz (47th percentile) and Head Circum 46.1 cm (95+ percentile). You still have a huge head, but we are hoping that'll even out in the next few months. I keep saying that just means you are a smartie. :) You are one intelligent, expressive little girl and we love you!

Love Always,

Momma

Preparation

Colossians 3:23-24: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

You ever feel like God was preparing you for something? You know...allowing you to go through things so that you are more prepared for what's to come? That's kinda how I am feeling right now.

Some days I think about how we are living pretty far from my family and closest friends. I think about how it's been a little more difficult to navigate new motherhood without much family nearby and with friends that are mom's but also work. I think about how it's sometimes hard to have the baby the entire day while Eric goes to work and then again when he comes home and needs to work some more on school, bible and flying stuff. I think about how everything related to the house is now my responsibility on top of having a little baby. As you can see... I think about a lot of things.

But with this time period that's harder, I realize, God must be working in me to help prepare me for something more in the future. Nothing happens in this world for a reason. Of this I am certain. Maybe God is transforming me into a strong mother and wife. Maybe God is preparing me for missionary work in the future and all these things that have happened in my life are leading up to long term separation from family and friends as well as having to solely rely on Eric and myself to take care of the children. (We hope to have one more child in the next couple years) Also sometimes lately it seems Miss J is sick and we have to stay home from church. So God has been working in us on how to "go to church" while being at home.

I don't know what God's preparing me for, but I will follow obediently until I see where He leads me. Be that a long-term missionary or something else. Sometimes the joy is in the journey, that's what I have to remember. :)

This too shall pass....

Well life as a momma has it's ups and downs. There are the times where your baby laughs and giggles and plays with you joyfully. Then there are times where all they seem to know how to do is scream and claw and kick. In those times it's important to remember that 1) God has a plan and 2)this too shall pass.

Some mothers adore the first six months of life with their little baby. They love that the baby depends on them for everything. They love everything that comes with that age. While I love my daughter, I simply can't wait for her to get a little older so I can play with her, talk with her, laugh with her and dream with her. Right now she can't talk, can sit up but hasn't figured out how to move yet so she gets frustrated all the time, cries/fusses sometimes for long stints of time and well is NOT a hugger or cuddly baby.

Some mommas get cuddly babies. You know those ones that love to snuggle and be held close. Pretty much since we got home from the hospital and she's hated swaddling, not enjoyed being hugged or being close. I always dreamed my little one would want the snuggle and cuddle, maybe that will come with our second child (in the future). For now this girl is active. Simply always wanting to be on the move and get into whatever her little hands can get a hold of. She's very intelligent and loves interaction with people, but is definitely hard to please. It kinda wears on me at times because at her age, there's only so many things you can do! (Walk around with her, sit on the floor and play with her, push her in the stroller, swing her in the swing, introduce new toys to her, sing songs with her...etc.) Once those few options run out, then creativity must take hold or else she decides she's going to be upset.

When I tell other moms that I can't wait for her to get out of this stage, they look at me in disbelief. Like somehow I don't love my daughter. They said to cherish these moments because they go so fast. It sometimes bugs me the looks I get when I say such things, but you know what... I stand by my statement. It will be SO much fun when I can teach her new words, sing WITH her not just to her, have dance parties, go exploring and discuss God with her. I think that will be the golden age for me!

Until then I have to remember it's been almost six months and I've survived. The next couple months will fly by... this too shall pass.

God can use tragedy to teach us

"If you've walked with God for very long, I have little doubt that He has used what you perceived as very negative means to achieve a positive result"- Beth Moore

I read this nugget of information this morning in my bible study and it simply is too true. It also helps us to understand when horrible things happen, that God could be using those things to help push us closer towards Him. What refreshing news. Seriously. I've seen it happen in my own life many many times.

With God, things are both predictable and unpredictable. You can be certain that God is always going to be there. That God always wants you to pray and to stay in His word. You can be certain that God wants you to look at the best in others, even though it's tempting to just see the worst.

In my bible study this morning it took a look at Peter and John and how God called them to Samaria. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Jews of that time hated Samaritans. They have a HUGE prejudice against them and basically feel they are the scum of the earth. To be called to go there and the preach the Gospel and to accept them into their own fold seemed unthinkable. Yet, God called them to do it. They obeyed and the Samaritans accepted the Holy Spirit. Think if they didn't obey? What would have happened? The people would have not known not received the Holy Spirit. They would have not received the very Holy fire from which God works in us.

I firmly believe that God has called me and my husband to be missionaries. Where or how, that is His choosing. Could he call us to a place where we wouldn't ever think of going? Yes. Could this place be our Samaria? Yes. Are we called to pick and choose where we'd like to go, where it'd be the most comfortable and convenient? No. We are called to follow Christ, wherever that may lead us. If it leads us to a closed country, we'll go there. If it leads us to witness to homeless, we'll go there. If it leads us to a place where we thought we'd never go, we'll go there.

The important thing to remember is that in these places, we are not alone. Yes God could call us to a scary place or neighborhood, but we are not alone. We have Christ. We have the Holy Spirit living within us. I've seen time and time again how God has protected me wherever he's called me. I was called to serve the homeless in San Francisco's darkest neighborhood for a little while one summer. I spoke with drug addicts, prostitutes, drug dealers and I do believe a gang member or two.

Were these conditions safe? No. Were they comfortable? No. Was I safe? Yes. Was I comfortable? I didn't really think of comfort. When I was with those people, my thoughts were solely on Christ and on serving Him. Christ protected me AND gave me the words to say to those who were hurting. As long as I trusted Him, I was safe. When I let my mind wander and let my fear set in and stopped trusting, that was the moment I felt unsafe. I had to pray and reign in that fear, rebuke it even, to feel safe and secure again. Life outside of Christ is scary, I much prefer life with Christ.

But you can see how God can use our fears, our prejudices to really work miracles through us. To speak to others and heal by the power of the Holy Spirit using us. We just have to be willing to be used and to give up our fears.

So what does this have to do with the quote up above? Everything. God can use anyone and any circumstances for His glory. We just have to continue to walk in the light of grace to be willing to see that when the going gets tough, the tough don't get going away, they get on their knees and pray for the endurance to carry on and to see what God is teaching them through the hard times. That's definitely something to remember and to pray about!

For me, one of the hardest times in my life was losing my first precious little one. I was so elated and excited to be pregnant. It's something I'd dreamed about for a long time. I'd even gathered some baby items years prior to this because I knew God would allow me to be pregnant someday. We went to Idaho and served at an aviation camp and I led worship. We went to Hawaii and go to see our dear friends. Life was going great! I got to see my little one's heart beating on the ultrasound and was elated at the new life. Then, tragedy happened and my little one was no more. God took him/her up to heaven. I was devastated. Devastated. Why would God take away my child? Why would this dream end so soon?

I realized that even though I was devastated, to understand the reasoning, I needed to turn to Christ EVEN MORE, not turn away. God led me to talk with others who had also had this happen to them. God led me to council THEM and by that helped heal me of my own tragedy. I couldn't have done this had I been pregnant. Later on in that year God finally allowed me to become a teacher for a short time. If I was pregnant, I wouldn't have ever lived that dream. While I still dream about seeing that little one in heaven and wondering what life would be like had he/she lived on, I praise God for allowing it to happen to me so that I could reach more people for Him. Now I have a beautiful little girl, so God did fulfill that promise of life. It was just in HIS timing, not mine.

I want to encourage those of you who read this blog to think about times in your life where you had the most sorrow, the most pain, and think about what God was teaching you in those times. Did you allow God to grow you? Did you allow God to teach you something from that experience? Did God have you go through that experience so that He could use you to help others who were also going through that experience? I hope so.

Love in Christ,

Kristine

2 Corinthians 5:16-17.

Drive Time Momma

It's dark out. I'm tired. As I sit in my car driving the baby around so that Eric can get his homework, I have to wonder, "How did it come to this?"

It all started last night around well... I think it was somewhere close to midnight. Jenna decided that she desperately needed food. Screaming. Crying. I sent Eric in to do his duty as the first shift person of the night but of course I couldn't sleep with her screaming. He fed her and she went down, all is well. Or so I thought. At around 1:30 the babe wakes again. Screaming. Crying. Hungry. I know this as her hungry cry and not a tantrum cry so I go in and feed her. She falls asleep.

Around 2:30 the baby is awake again. Screaming. Crying. Hungry. What the heck? I am not in the mood for this! I get up and feed her. She gulps down food like a mad lady baby and falls asleep again. I think she woke up at 3 and 4 and 5 and I don't know but this momma didn't get much sleep last night. Thankfully one or two of those times Eric woke up, well I forced him awake, and he fed her.

All day today she was super fussy. She only took 40 minute naps, two of them. The rest of the time was spent screaming and crying. Sometimes when she wasn't eating she was happy and playful. Generally she wasn't happy with whatever I decided to do with her. It wore on me so bad! Sometimes it makes me want to pull my hair out! I pray to God (literally) that He can calm her cause I can't. At times she calmed, other times she still screamed and cried.

Let me tell you, that coupled with my lack of sleep is NOT a good combo. It's all I could do not to punch a wall or scream at her, no wait.. I think I did yell at her once, maybe twice. I know she's a baby and she cries cause that's how she communicates but man, what if I don't want to communicate with her? Some people say to leave the babies in their cribs when you feel like you've lost it so that you can go collect yourself. I don' t know how you can collect yourself when there's a baby screaming in the other room. That kinda drives me more batty. Believe me, I've tried.

So tonight, Eric waited until the last minute to complete his homework assignment. My parents are coming into town tomorrow and because I've had a screaming infant all day, I haven't had the time to prepare things for them like I wanted. To help Eric have time to work on his homework I decided to take Jenna and drive around with her for a couple of hours. It's all I can do to help get her out of the house so that he can have some peace to complete his assignment.

So I drove. I drove for over 2 hours in blissful silence. Even though the car was silent, my mind was loud with thought. I came home to find Eric, still working on homework.

Jenna woke up and started screaming and I started to remember why I decided to take that drive. I changed her and fed her and put her down in her crib to sleep. She's kinda sleeping right now. We'll see how long that lasts!